Nostalgia

Wednesday, April 8, 2020

lagi nostalgia jaman-jaman waktu kecil karena lagi nonton drakor reply 1988.
such a good drama, drama keluarga jadi manis ngakak sedih jadi 1.
rasanya hangat nonton drama ini.

Tiba-tiba jadi inget waktu pas SMP lupa kelas berapa, mulai ada peraturan di hari jumat pakai baju bebas.
1 hari sekolah ga pakai seragam.
sekolah2 lain sekitar rumah uda mulai terapin itu, 
gue inget banget dulu gue seneng-seneng aja ga pake seragam.
jadi bisa bebas pake t-shirt dan celana kan.
bener-bener pikiran anak SMP atau anak kecil kali ya.

suatu hari, gue temenin mak gue ke salon rumahan deket rumah.
jadi biasa deh kalo gitu adalha gosip-gosip antara mak2 dan tukang salon juga.
kebetulan omongin soal pakai baju bebas.
karena anaknya baru pulang sekolah pakai baju bebas.
Mak : oiya anak gue juga mau mulai pakai baju bebas 1 hari. tapi gatau kapan dimulai.

Tk. Salon : di sekolah anak gue, uda diterapin pake baju bebas.
Mak : hoo.. cepat ya.. (lupa lagi kira2 tanggapan mak gue apa)
Tk. Salon : pusing lhaaa, ntar saling pamer baju2nya. mau pakai baju apa, ada yang pakai baju jelek ntar di-ejek. maunya pakai baju bagus2. ntar malah ujung2nya harus beli baju baru. susahlhaa.
Mak : iya juga yaa..

gue yang denger percakapan itu langsung mikir : ya ampun ternyata orang tua mikir sampai sejauh itu ya, atau anaknya yang mikir soal dibanding2in baju2 bagus?
hemmm... bener juga better pakai seragam ya, biar ga ada 'kasta'.
Karena gue cm anak kecil biasa waktu itu, ga berpikir sejauh itu.
apalagi gue tipikal yang dari dulu ga peduli sama kata orang.
dan gue jg waktu kecil ga peduli penampilan plus di rumah gue juga ga ada tuh yang namanya pakai barang2 branded.
adanya pake baju yang dibuat bapak gue. HAHAHAHAH (bapak konveksi baju anak soalnya)
baju-baju powerranger gitu, gue punya beragam warna.
karena bapak gue jual seri-an kan.
gue pake2 aja ga peduli.
aaaahh~ enaknya jadi anak kecil yang ga peduli apa tuh brand2, main sama siapa aja, pake barang apa aja bebass ga peduli yang penting main n makan.

***

KAKI BESAR

oke kaki gue besar untuk ukuran cewe, terus lebar kea abang tukang bajaj. sumpah jelek banget
gabisa pake heels yang siluet kecil2 gitu.

dari kecil pakai sepatu ga pernah awet ke sekolah, karena kaki gue juga bunion.
selalu robek nya di siku yang menonjol itu.
bolong nya selalu disitu deh. ahahahahah

terus gue itu susah sekali cari sepatu, gue bener2 cari yang gue sreg.
sampai suatu hari di kelas 6SD, karena sekian kali sepatu gue bolong.
mak gue cari sepatu lagi sama gue dan uda ngoceh2 jangan ribet2.
gue langsung ke BATA yang ada di pancoran, gue langsung beli 1 model yang sepanjang masa.
yang bener2 u kalo cek ke model sepatu anak sekolah pasti akan ada sepatu model itu any merk.
model tempel ga pake tali.
all black, karena ga boleh ada putihnya sekolah kan.
dan kebanyakan pake sepatu itu cowo.
gue langsung milih itu ke mak gue, dan mak gue kaget gitu.
mak : " yakin beli ini? "
gue : " iya. mau cobain ya ukuran 40 "
mak : " ini kan jelek "
gue : " gapapa. soalnya sepatu ngai selalu cepat rusak. "
mak : " ini sepatu ga ada modelnya sama sekali lho. kea sepatu cowo. "
gue : " gapapa mak. ini enak dipake nya. ga ada yang liat juga sepatuu. "
Mak : "... ga mau liat toko lain lagi di atas ? "
gue : " gausah mak, uda ini ajaaa.. "

dan finally mak gue takjub pertama kali beli sepatu cepet buat gue.
sejak saat itu gue pake sepatu model itu sampe SMP3, jadi rusak beli itu lagi.
hahahahha ga pusing
sepatu itu di bawah 100rb murahh dibanding sepatu2 gue dulunya. jadi ga sayang kalo rusak lagi.

Jadi anak kecil ga pusing pakai sepatu mahal, pake sepatu murah, pake merk ini itu ga peduli, enak!
yang penting nyaman di pakai. 
hemm.. anak kecil enak de ya. :)

***




rationalist me

Saturday, March 7, 2020

If I don't like that drama and everyone love that drama, and am i have to force myself to love the drama?
sorry i am not like that.

If that everyone hangout together and i was going alone and everyone can call me that i am weird enough?
sorry I am confident and independent for being myself and happy eventhough i am alone. 

I never care what people think about me.
I tell what i dont like or i keep it myself.
but i don't pretend to be like it. 

I am living in the reality.
I don't need to be always good
I am accepting everything if i am not (feeling) good.

I am just me. like this.

grateful child

Friday, March 6, 2020

Thanks to my father who gave me a car.
I am super grateful because you think about me.

Thanks for offering me a brand new car.
but your second is enough for me.

Thanks for offering me your favorite car.
but I did not have courage to take yours.

Then..
Why you still buying a new car after i take your car?
aaaaaa..
a little regret..
OPS!
but Thanks I'm already grateful enough for the car.

Regards from Your never growing child.

Desires

Ulalalaa.. let's move to the lighter story.

Good news ?
By yesterday i got news that my husband and father in law got granted visas. and 3 years! wow for them!
yuhuuu!
So, if there's nothing happen, We'll have our holiday. (i think)
I'm going to Sydney for i don't know how many days.
what i'm excited is I'll go with my husband.
He is someone who's really hard to approach for holiday matter.
He does not quite like travelling.
So I'm excited that I can go with him.
though I don't really like Aussie for my own.
It's just a city which is nothing special.
I think i just want to open PRE ORDER, and hope it will be many people who join our PO. haha

***

in this current situation.
I am craving for LV bag.
damn it.
really damn it.
I love below bag.
Just too in love.
last december I told my husband, can i buy this bag?
he allowed me to buy it after i bring group in january.
thennnn, i was trying to calm myself to save my money don't waste it.
until some ordinary day, my husband suddenly talk to me : ' de, just go buy LV  bag you want. '
OMG! then the crave pop up into my mind again.
I was so excited to ask everyone who go to europe, but unfortunately they did  not get the bag because well it's quite rare now.
So, should i just keep it or let my desire swallow me?
Image result for louis vuitton neo noe
Still confuse, buy it or not buy it or not. ehmmm..

****

Well call me an ordinary woman.
when I see diamond i think my eyes are open widely.
i bought a pair of earrings which i love for my sister.
and besides the bag i want, i also want to buy the same earrings for myself.
I'm so in love with this below earrings.
is there someone who wanna buy me this?
don't answer my husband.
I already asked him to save money for much more important and expensive thing. haha
independent woman right? :p
I dont need him to buy me such cheap item which i can buy, buy me such expensive i cant afford to.
so for something unimportant like below, i dont need him to buy me actually because i can buy by myself.
but still.
is there someone else who wants to buy me this?
Image result for chelsea diamond earrings


Part 2

Okay then to be continue.

I was in the busy weeks, when my groups departing and canceling in the same time ( due to virus issue covid-19 )

taking care many things.

My mood swing jump and fall.

I actually hate someone who ask me.

"why???"
"how come??"

Even to my sister, i just don't like to tell everything in details. 
Actually i just more hate it if the questions insisting come from someone who never feel it before or even not getting married yet.
call me sarcasm? i just don't care.
Just don't pretend to be care, don't be insisting ask me why.
why you should be so insist?
If i wanna tell you, I'm gonna tell you without you ask.
Or call me now not in a good situation so i don't have the feeling to sharing this story now.

Well.. i know it's not everyone like that.

But i really don't care what people think about me, why am i not sharing is my right.

Now,
I  can count it with 1 hand, who know my condition is.
But no one really know in detail exceptionally if they are reading my previous blog.

After this I don't know how many people who know my story?
Maybe you, you, you, you, you, you ??
Actually i think i know who is my readers. hihi..

I am okay everyone.
No need to be pitied me since i have my super caring husband. 

Regards







27 February 2020 Part 1

First of all, i would like to say ' Happy New Year 2020, Everyone ! '
It would be my first post in 2020, so here will be..

February, second month of the year.
on 27 Feb, I'll never forget this date in my life.

February is a month that i was unbelievable that i got 2 marks on my test pack.
not even 1 test pack, but 2.

I was speechless yess that I am going to be a mother.
Someone reckless like me will be going to be a mother. Wow..
Someone careless like me will be going to be a mother.
Someone childish like me will be going to be a mother. Really?
I was so.... still.. unbelievable until i cant tell everyone.
I just told my mom and sister.
I just can't be like everyone that so happy until they post it to social media. I just can't.
I don't know why, i also can't tell my best friend or office mate. can not.
I was still really unbelievable.

After I got the result from test pack, i directly looking for an obgyn.
then a week later i visited the obgyn.
the result was ambiguous either i had to happy or not.
from the USG Check, the size of my baby was not match with the age of my pregnancy.
my pregnancy supposed to be 5 week back then and the baby size was just the age of 2 weeks.
the doctor then gave me supplement and medicine, He asked me to be back after 2 weeks to check again.
told me to don't be stressed and avoid any particular foods.

since I visited the doctor
I tried to eat regularly and healthy, since my eating routines are so unbalance.
I tried to walk slowly ( i don't know why, just my feeling to do it )
Then i tried to calm myself. even though i kept thinking of it, i was googling everything
I was predicting what's happening with my pregnancy.
It was always on my mind every time and every night before sleep.
My mood were really worse. I just hate everyone, i was angry easily.
I still on my track in office, since i did not tell everyone about my pregnancy.

then i took my leave on 27 February, Thursday.
on that day, I got stomachache in the morning.
the stomachache felt like the ache before you got period.
then..
in the afternoon, when i was staying at my mom's house. I was bleeding.
still, i was no idea and got the back feeling of it.
I called my husband then we directly go to hospital.
my husband home soonest from office after i told him the news. ( I love you dear )

So, the result when we check to the doctor.
that my baby is stop growing.
OMG! i will not forget that day because it was really hurt when the doctor check on you using their tools.
could not describe it more.
and what's more hurting me is i got cramp and when i check it to the toilet, something came out and maybe for easier, you can call it as the fetus / baby which was failed, came out from your body.
Then i was crying out loud in the toilet, even could not show it to my husband.
not because he is careless, but i just can't.
Just like : ' did i just loose my baby? '

still then i don't tell everyone with my condition.
I just mmmmmmmm is it supposed to be tell?
but because of the condition, i need to bedrest a week.
So my boss need to know my condition. ( only manager, asst-manager & 1 of my team, who know about it )
Just can't...

 
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