father - 8.8.25

mau mulai post ini aja rasanya mau nangis.

kok rasanya segitu sayangnya sama papa.

truly a daughter first love is a father ya.

💔

8.8.2025

on this date, he was officially leaving me.

the pillar of our family.

hemm..

i am totally lost

i am totally speechless how fast he is gone.

i dont know if i am already being his good daughter or not

but i feel really a heart broken.

i'm writing this accompanied by eric chou's songs.

that from now on, his songs might remind me for this moment.

when my father is gone to heaven.

crazy..

1 week he was being hospitalized.

1 week we come and go to see him in IMC room

it's started on saturday midnight turn to sunday 2 August at 12.30 am

i got a text from my brother to come home.

and suddenly i feel that my heart beat faster than usual.

i was thinking that : oh no i am not ready.

and after that, everything was so fast..

**

we know who hurt us the most are usually the closest one right?

i thinks that is true.

even i am being hurt from his biological brothers sisters

i cant stand the sorrow until i show my laugh, i think i'm already crazy enough.

i'd like to say i am an empty shell right now.

still grieving 

give me time pls..

actually i dont want to hold all the tears but seems like i need to be strong. i dont know why.

even when i go to vihara, the new house of my father ( ashes house ) i still want to cry a lot.

but i dont know why i still still holding it.

keep saying myself, hey it's okay just be okay.. it's a life..

**

pa, i know i may not be your favorite.

i rarely go to see you 

i did not taking care of you very well.

i am so sorry for not being a good daughter..

but i hope you know that i love you..

thankyou for routinely coming to my house sending me egg n bananas.

ken always remember you the akong who love to give bananas.

i still remember the last time i met you on saturday noon, you were at your friend's house when i passed by.. i was turning back to see you.. i remember how you were smiling to me.. the last smile i saw from you.. 💔 and i remember the last time you call me when i sent you small money. 

how you say thanks to me.. 

so no one will send me a good morning anymore every morning..

**

the time when i have to burn all the things with you, i cried..

when i realized you use and wear almost all the things that i gave to you..

a pair of shoes

the clothes

the wallet

the phone

why.. why.. isn't it too fast for you to go?

you havent pass 70 yet.

you are still too young to be gone.

**

pa.. hmm..

i have a lot to says but i am bad at words.. sucks!

i hope you will be reborn in a better world.

people has a bad & kind side right.

yes i also remember your bad side but i cherish your kind side so much..

pls do pray for your child future pa..